Transcriptions
Being polite means being aware of and respecting the feelings of other people. We may not always notice politeness but we usually notice rudeness or inconsiderate behaviour.
This video takes a step back and covers some of the fundamentals of building and maintaining relationships with others. We provide examples of the most common behaviours that are considered polite.
Politeness can and will improve your relationships with others, help to build respect and rapport, boost your self-esteem and confidence, and improve your communication skills.
Politeness Guidelines
You can apply the following (where appropriate) to most interactions with others – friends, colleagues, family, customers, everybody!
Always use common sense and try to behave as appropriately as possible, taking into account any cultural differences.
Say hello to people – greet people appropriately, gain eye contact and smile naturally, shake hands or hug where appropriate but say hello, especially to colleagues and other people you see every day. Be approachable. Do not blank people just because you’re having a bad day.
Take time to make some small talk - perhaps mention the weather or ask about the other person’s family or talk about something that is in the news. Make an effort to engage in light conversation, show some interest, but don’t overdo it. Remain friendly and positive and pick up on the verbal and non-verbal signals from the other person.
Try to remember things about the other person and comment appropriately – use their spouse’s name, their birthday, any significant events that have occurred (or are about to occur) in their life. Always be mindful of others’ problems and difficult life events.
Always use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. Make sure you thank people for their input or contribution and always include ‘please’ when asking for something. If somebody offers you something use 'Yes please' or 'No thank you'.
Praise and/or congratulate others on their achievements. Praise needs to be seen as genuine – this can be difficult if you feel jealous or angry.
At work be polite and helpful to your subordinates as well as your bosses. Respect and acknowledge the positions, roles and duties of others.
Use appropriate language – be respectful of gender, race, religion, political viewpoints and other potentially controversial or difficult subjects. Do not make derogatory or potentially inflammatory comments.
Learn to listen attentively - pay attention to others while they speak – do not get distracted mid-conversation and do not interrupt.
Respect other people's time. Try to be precise and to-the-point in explanations without appearing to be rushed.
Be assertive when necessary but respect the right of others to be assertive too. (See our pages on Assertiveness for more.)
Avoid gossip. Try to have positive things to say about other people.
Apologise for your mistakes. If you say or do something that may be considered rude or embarrassing then apologise, but don’t overdo your apologies.
Avoid jargon and vocabulary that may be difficult for others to understand – explain complex ideas or instructions carefully. Do not appear arrogant.
Respect, and be prepared to listen to, the ideas and opinions of others.
Dress appropriately for the situation. Avoid wearing revealing clothing in public and avoid staring at others who are wearing revealing clothing. Avoid being dressed too casually for the situation. (See our page: Personal Appearance)
Use humour carefully. Aim not to cause any offence and know the boundaries of appropriate language for different situations. (See our page: Developing a Sense of Humour)
Practise good personal hygiene. Wash and brush your teeth regularly, change your clothes and use deodorant. Avoid strong perfumes, after-shaves or colognes.
Be punctual. If you have arranged to meet somebody at a certain time make sure you are on time, or even a few minutes early. If you are going to be late let the other person/people know as far in advance as you can. Do not rely on feeble or exaggerated excuses to explain lateness. Respect other people’s time and don’t waste it. (See our page: Time Management for more information.)
Always practise good table manners. When eating around others avoid foods with strong odours, do not talk with your mouth full or chew with your mouth open, and eat quietly.
Do not pick your nose or ears, chew on your fingers or bite your fingernails in public. Also avoid playing excessively with your hair.
Texto Complementar (com áudio)
It's a familiar scene, a busy metro carriage with people pushing and shoving but never saying hello or even making eye contact. Catherine and Neil discuss why cities make us act this way.
This week's question
When we have a positive interaction with somebody, our body releases a chemical. What's the name of this chemical? Is it…
a) melatonin?
b) oxytocin?
c) thyroxin?
You'll hear the answer at the end of the programme.
Transcript
Note: This is not a word-for-word transcript.
Catherine
Hello and welcome to 6 Minute English. I'm Catherine…
Neil
And I'm Neil. Do you know, Catherine, someone actually talked to me on the underground this morning!
Catherine
No, really?
Neil
Yeah.
Catherine
Wow! I should perhaps point out that talking to someone you don't know on the Tube is quite unusual behaviour in London! So, Neil, what did they say?
Neil
Well, they said what a lovely day it was, great to see the sun shining in London – something along those lines. But it was actually nice to chat instead of sitting there with a frown on my face, fiddling with my phone.
Catherine
Which is what you probably always do to pass the time on public transport, Neil.
Neil
Yes, it is - me and thousands of others. But it got me thinking… if it makes me feel better to talk to people on the way to work, why don't I – and other commuters in the city – do it more often?
Catherine
Well, that's a good question, Neil, and maybe we'll find some answers in the show, because today we're talking about why cities make us so rude. And I have a question for you: when we have a positive interaction with somebody, our body releases a chemical. But what's the name of this chemical? Is it…
a) melatonin?
b) oxytocin?
Or c) thyroxin?
Neil
I don't know, but I'm going to say a) melatonin.
Catherine
Well, we'll see if you were right or not later on in the show. But did you know, Neil, that an organisation called 'Talk to me London' has created these 'Tubechat' badges that you can wear to show that you're happy to talk to a stranger. Maybe you should get one!
Neil
Yeah, maybe I should. But the thing is, people in big cities are often scared to start a conversation with a stranger because, well, you don't know what might happen.
Catherine
That's true. Now, let's listen to Dr Elle Boag, a social psychologist at Birmingham City University here in the UK. She agrees that people can view cities as threatening places.
INSERT
Dr Elle Boag, social psychologist, Birmingham City University in the UK
When we step off the metro or onto a crowded city street our brain becomes hyper vigilant to the perception of threats around us – we're just one small person in a very large set of other people, in a large body of people. This then leads to behaviours that are insular and defensive. We're persistently looking for potential threats around us, and this then makes us not give eye contact, this will reduce the likelihood that anybody will say hello. It's a protective mechanism by which we can survive our journey to whence we're going, which makes us all sound really really rude to one other.
Catherine
Dr Elle Boag there. And hyper vigilance means being extremely watchful of what's going on around you. People can behave unpredictably, and like Dr Boag says, you're just one person in a crowd of others and you just don't know who might be dangerous.
Neil
Yeah, I see what you mean. And the fact we are constantly on the lookout for potential threats, well, it affects our behaviour.
Catherine
That's right. And as a protective mechanism we avoid speaking to or making eye contact with other people. So we become insular – which means inward looking.
Neil
It sounds awful! But actually, I know people who moved to London in order to be anonymous – to blend in with the crowd – and not have to talk to people!
Catherine
Well, if you grow up in a small town, it can feel claustrophobic – which means not having enough space to feel comfortable. You know, you can't do anything without the whole community knowing about it. You may have nosey neighbours.
Neil
And a nosey person shows too much interest in other people's business.
Catherine
Now, it's good to point out that people living in cities have stuff to do. And it's not necessarily rudeness that stops people from chatting – it's about efficiency – getting to work on time, getting things done. Let's hear from Thomas Farley, writer and broadcaster, and expert on manners, for more on this.
INSERT
Thomas Farley, writer and broadcaster
The cost of living in cities is higher, the success quotient is higher, it's a place where you hustle to survive, and if you are not hustling, and I mean that literally and figuratively, you are not able to survive and thrive. So we often don't have much time for chitchat. I think we just all need to be mindful that it's not a deliberate disregard or somebody trying to be rude on purpose – it's simply that people have a destination to be.
Neil
So what does Thomas Farley mean by success quotient, Catherine?
Catherine
Success quotient means your ability to be successful in work, relative to the average person, and Thomas Farley is saying that in cities people have higher success quotients.
Neil
Cities are also competitive places so people have to hustle to survive. Do we hustle, Catherine?
Catherine
I don't think we hustle, Neil. Hustle means to work aggressively to make money.
Neil
We do have plenty of time for chitchat, though. And chitchat, by the way, means unimportant conversation. That's what we do!
Catherine
What we do isn't chitchat, Neil! It's highly informative and instructional! Now, I think it must be time to hear the answer to today's quiz. Do you remember, I asked: when we have a positive interaction with someone, our body releases a chemical. What's the name of this chemical? Is it…
a) melatonin?
b) oxytocin?
Or c) thyroxin?
Neil
And it's a) melatonin – I'm absolutely sure.
Catherine
Sorry! The correct answer is b) oxytocin – a hormone commonly known as the 'love drug'. It reduces fear, increases trust between people, and evokes feelings of contentment.
Neil
Now, here are the words we learned today:
hyper vigilance
insular
claustrophobic
nosey
quotient
hustle
chitchat
Catherine
That's the end of today's 6 Minute English. Don't forget to join us again soon!
Both
Bye!
Vocabulary
hyper vigilance
being extremely watchful of what's going on around you
insular
inward looking
claustrophobic
not having enough space to feel comfortable
nosey
somebody who shows too much interest in other people's business
quotient
the result you get by dividing one number by another
hustle
work aggressively to make money
chitchat
unimportant conversation